Quote For The Week

From episode 1610, “Insecurity,” of the animated sitcom South Park on the Comedy Central television network:

Spokesman: [in a commercial] Protecting your home and your family is hard enough! But sometimes alarms on your doors and windows aren’t enough! A new security system allows not only for your doors and windows to be monitored, but your fear levels as well. [a 3-D schematic of a house is shown, with a person in it] A security system that is actually inside you. It’s called IN-security.
Husband: [with wife and twin daughters] We’ll never forget the day we took our twin daughters to the beach.
Stranger: Hehe, what cute twins.
Wife: Thanks.
Stranger: They’re so adorable [whips out a crowbar and assumes a menacing posture. The wife instinctively tries to protect the girls] that I’m gonna bash their f*****g heads in! [the alarm goes off and the stranger runs away, dropping the crowbar. The husband receives the call]
Peter: This is Peter with INsecurity. Is everything alright?
Husband: A white man just tried to murder our twin girls.
Peter: I have a police car on their way with blankets and cocoa. [Next shot is of the whole family in blankets and sipping cocoa at the beach, with police cars around them and police officers investigating]
Husband: I only hope other have people have INsecurity to protect their families.
[A shoe store. A woman is getting her son new shoes]
Shoe Salesman: Well, how’s the shoe fit, pal?
Boy: I think it fits pretty good.
Shoe Salesman: Well okay, hehe, let’s see if it fits better than this KNIFE THROUGH YOUR F*****G SKULL, BASTARD?! [gets out a large knife and slashes the air with it.]
Boy: Aaahh! [jumps into his mom's arms and the alarm goes off. The salesman drops the knife and runs off. The phone rings and the mom answers it]
Mom: Hello?
David: This is David with INsecurity. Is everything alright?
Mom: [voice breaking] No, a while shoe salesman tried to murder my son.
David: Hold tight. Police are on their way with blankets and cocoa. [next scene, mom and son are in blankets and sipping cocoa while the police investigate]
Spokesman: Don’t let your family become another statistic. Have piece of mind with… [the new company logo appears, with "Custom installation for only $99."] INsecurity.